The working title of my current project is “The Widow Project” . It’s a narrative of love, death and resilience – it is the story of my journey loving and losing my life and work partner of many years. Here is one of the latest poems which will likely be the starting poem for the book.
Third knock
Yesterday I sat pensive in a sunny cafe
the view ahead split into three
past, present, future all in a shot
drawing no conclusions
my old ways loosened
falling to the left and right of me
“You do not need a plan for the future”
the life muse whispers with a little smile
“you are free in the ways the brave ones
know how to be
all of a sudden your wheels are slower
and it’s good, very good
wherever you’re going is where you
will need to be”
My snow boots
found the ground as comfortable as
bare feet in summer grass
and as I walked to dinner with a friend
another poet’s reminder
played right on cue and I
said it aloud
“notice, just when you’re fully
moved in and reach up
to hang the last painting,
three angels knock at your door
and you’re out”
I look back at the years
the investment of loving
how it has come to this
on a spring afternoon
the first knock – diagnosis
by fall the second – death
and the third is now
the door opening to
my new unknown life
(c) Reinekke Lengelle
The words about the three angels are told by David Whyte inspired by D.H. Lawrence’s words, “Who is that knocking on my door? It is someone come to do me harm. No! It is the strange angels, admit them.” The angels are events that change our lives and despite the tremendous grief, we are invited back into fuller living, compassion and being with the way of it.
